Hi, my name is Alice the Mole, you may know me as Mr. Mole. I have been held captive and forced to live as a man at the Urchin residence for over two years now. Generally, they treat me very well, save the occasional base jumping without a parachute, pond swimming and being carried around with my head in the mouth of a 2 year old. A few weeks ago I was injured in a freak snuggling accident, rather than seek immediate medical attention for me, they have chosen to poke, prod and pull at my wounds. I fear that if I am not able to see a seamstress soon, I will lose my arm completely.
PLEASE SEND HELP.
PS: While you’re at it, my friend Ecru has been missing for a long time